Today's blog will be especially transparent. I tried to write earlier about a topic, but found that it was just too difficult trying to write from an outside perspective. I think I can make the point more poignantly by speaking from my own experience.
I love the church. I've been in church my whole life. Church has always been my safe haven. When turmoil was going on all around me, I have been able to go to church and find resource, peace, love, comfort and friendships.
This is the first time in my life that I have been a servant leader in the church. I have held "positions" before, but for the first time God is working with me to see that each and every person is a child of His--whether I like them or not, whether they are nice or nasty, whether I feel that they treat me this way or that. We collectively belong to Him. In the last four years at my church God has shown me who I am as a servant. There is no "I" did this or that. There is only Him. Surprisingly, I have no desire to show off or to be seen. My whole paradigm has shifted from seeing my life as at church and at work and at home to only working for Him where ever I am. He's shown me my heart compared to His and how very different the two have been and now how close they are becoming. He's changed my desires to match His will. He's worked on me through my own shortcomings to have compassion and love for all His people. He's taught me that it doesn't matter what others say or do I have to answer to Him for my responses, actions or inaction. I am not held to a worldly standard. I am held to a holy standard.
As I learn these lessons and move through the process of understanding the real meaning of ministry and evangelism, I have also seen and experienced unmatched hurt. I have often questioned why people can seemingly get away with purposefully hurting, leaving people out, using, dogging, and talking about others; openly laughing at people and making fun of people, showing favoritism. I see people and I myself struggle for answers about how to remain in position when things at times seem so very unfair, yet God expects you to drive on without comparison and in love.
I often struggle internally between family life and what I believe I am called to do for the Lord and understand what Paul meant now about marriage. As my husband says often, Ministry isn't convenient.
After all of what I struggle with, the things that I can't understand yet, the things that seem so very hurtful and unfair, the inaction that leads to confusion and frustration--after all of that God says to me, Look around you. When I look around I see people who love fiercely, pray fervently, give fully and care unconditionally. When I look around I see God's business that is left undone and that calls me to put my hand to the plow to work with my Bishop and First Lady--even when I don't want to, when I feel like giving up because I'm tired of struggling with people I have only shown love toward. God pushes me to look around and see souls--not mere faces, but the very reason that He sent His Son--the souls that He has redeemed with His own blood.
When I look around I have so many reasons to be grateful. I have so many reasons to trust that the Lord is working everything out for my good. I have so many reasons to strive on as a sacrificing servant. I am thankful for this opportunity to serve in ministry. It has changed me when I thought I was through changing. It has taught me when I felt that my time for learning was over. It has moved me when I wouldn't have believed I could have been moved. It has developed me and giving me purpose. The Word has pierced me and convicted me and corrected me and even though it brought me to tears it also built me up and made me more aware. And it yet continues to bring me to a new place in my own relationship with God as I work out my own soul's salvation.
Look around you. Do you see people that you don't care for? Do you see people you have conflict with? Do you see people you can have over for dinner? Do you see people you can persuade and boss around. or Do you see opportunities to repair relationships? Do you see hurting people who you can reach with your testimony of the goodness of Jesus? Do you see people you can witness to and bring to church? Do you see someone you can encourage with a Word of life? Look around not with your eyes, but through God's heart. Your perspective will change. Lift up your heads oh ye gates and be ye lifted up ye everlasting doors and the King of Glory shall come in. He will come in and make all things new. He will enter your heart and change your mind. Lift up your heads oh ye gates and be ye lifted up ye everlasting doors and the King of Glory will come in and cause you to look around and see people like He sees people--through the eyes of His Son Jesus.
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